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thatgrlpossesed

we wont forget...that girl possessed

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haha [

Wednesday
December 3rd 10:24PM
]
my last post was senior year, now im a sophomore at gdub and pretty damn sure noone is going to read this shit by now but im doing it for the sake of nostalgia anyway. like to document my memories, ive been doing it since i was 9, maybe sometime i should print the entries that mean the most to me and save them in a special box i own. that box has lasted me well and i hope it will last until my kids read it. or maybe god will spite me and ill end up having to burn it after a fit of tears and angst towards the possibility of a lasting relationship...ive seen it before from others and its not pretty.

i used to look back at entries in my journals and think haha i was such a lame little kid ive grown so much. now my past entries provide me with more insight than i imagined. well, heres some insight for the future ale: STOP PROCRASTINATING.

lol
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im so cheezy [

Wednesday
January 9th 1:30AM
]
watching because i said so has made me want to go shopping.
CRASH

its been a while [

Tuesday
November 6th 3:09AM
]
[ mood | awake ]

so im a retard and fell asleep at like 8 and i just woke up a few minutes ago, im now wide awake and its three in the morning. i guess my body has gotten used to getting about 5-6 hours of sleep every night. im typing away and i think i might be waking my roommate...shes a light sleeper. i make a noise and she wakes up not knowing where she is or whats going on, i once went to the bathroom and she confused my pulling the toilet paper-roll with someone trying to break in to the room haha. her bf stayed over the weekend (hes done so before) but theyre respectful of me and dont sexile me. she came in crying after he left and i gave her a hug i felt so bad, i cant relate because enrique is here with me and whenever it comes down to us having problems we could always see each other...though i must say that walking down foxhall road to georgetown isnt the best, that shiots scary at night. it was worth it.

i want to fly a kite in front of the washington monument with him sometime. that would be nice.

people are good here, its nothing drastically different from what ive seen at enriques school or miguels school (for those are the schools ive visited with friends) sure there is the subtle differences like the fact that lots of people here are either a girl, jewish, or a gay guy, and diversity differs in comparison to other schools which are more or less diverse, but i think no matter what college is college and people are going to act the same or do the same things with what they are given. nothing has really come as a surprise, nonetheless it takes some getting used to. there are very few people i find that i am able to really relate to or identify with, though there are not any that i do not get along with. people are nice and forcibly social. the school is amazing. im really happy here but i do find myself missing the chill lifestyle i had back home once in a while; i feel it was a lot more carefree. those were the days. one day ill be saying that about my current life as well. life is too short. i have so much i want to live and so much i want to do in the next four years "oh you have so much time left to decide and worry about the right job or grad school" is what ive been told by upperclassmen. not true. not that im stressing over it right now, im just keeping these things in mind while i go through the movements. i want to do something here, but not just something. its going to be something worthwhile and something remembered, maybe by only a few people but hopefully more than that. i do not feel that this goal is not far fetched either. i just need to keep my head in the game. ive been procrastinating a lot lately :/


thanksgiving will be nice.

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[

Friday
July 13th 1:07AM
]
WOOOOOOT!
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[

Monday
June 11th 3:36PM
]
I got all my first choice classes!! in the words of my academic advisor, "if you're very lucky, you will be able to gain admission to all of the courses that you've picked at your desired meeting
times. " well this makes me VERY lucky!

here they are:

intro to communication studies - COMM025

advanced spanish grammar & style - SPAN108

literature and dictatorship in south america - SPAN801 (dean's seminar)

intro to statistics in social science - STAT053

philosophical explanations of religion -UW020 (university writing)

im so excited!! i havent taken a spanish class since middle school...advanced spanish and grammar sounds intimidating. nothing beats my mood though, and the times are perfect too (only one class on wednesday!)



yay im going to college, better yet one i love! and im IN love. life is great :D
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[

Monday
May 28th 1:04AM
]
summer of senior year...it all is going by so fast. i was driving on my way home in a rush because i was an hour late, gripping onto the steering wheel and zooming past a bunch of stop signs. i turn my car lights off so that cops wont see me doing that. i know its wrong of me, but thats one of the highlights of driving home late at night. i only do this down coffin street, which vertically cuts through all the intersections in my neighborhood. it gives me this feeling, going down that shortcut in the dark, seeing kind of a vague outline of whats ahead, blasting to the Perfect Music, knowing I just had a simply perfect day. im going to die one of these days doing that, LOL. i should seriously stop. ok running a stop light is illegal, but so is underage drinking, and who hasnt done that? anyway, everything has recently felt like me going down that street. the only way to define all of it is that feeling i get, which is hardly explainable to begin with. this summer, i am not getting a job or working on some community service; for the first time in a while i am just having all the fun i can and being absolutely carefree about it. knowing that the present is going to end just makes it pass by o-so-much faster. it feels like watching a slideshow: looking at images only long enough before a new one replaces the old. and its all going to end before i am able to fully grasp the moment, so ill be left with only my memories of the summer (heck, the past four years) so i guess all i could tell myself after this stupid reflection is to enjoy it while it lasts.



ERLEND OYE OWNS!!!
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[

Sunday
April 29th 1:30PM
]


so things have cooled down a lot since i wrote that last entry. im going to DC and all my friends are leaving soon too. avery put it best when i spoke to her at lunch about it: were just finally realizing that the bubble were all in is going to burst, that its here. i know i know, everyone talks about it too much. i sit here at home telling myself to do a week's worth of homework (that i missed) and i know ill eventually do it, but its pointless. ive prolly mentioned my senioritis in the past 3987327 entries. sometimes i worry if ive made the wrong choices. then i sit there and talk about it with enrique and brit, and that feeling hits me where i know that i am leaving a piece of me with them, with el paso. and that feels great.

the changy-chang part was interesting, i love my brother to death. the weather outside is gloomy in the most refreshing way. im in a really good mood now that im sitting here typing on my old faithful LJ. haha. i wish my car wasnt so crashed.
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[

Tuesday
April 24th 7:33PM
]
im hating this college shit. having to make a decision i dont want to make. too much paranoia. reality hitting me. feeling stupidy unecessarily paranoid. its unecessary and stupid. i just said that. i hate leaving this comfort zone, i said it two years ago and ill say it again: knowing that life has to change when it feels like its at its best scares the fuck out of me. i know this is all god's plan, but sometimes i wonder if i have approached the last swo years blindly, like how i am approaching my future blindly, i am afraid of what people warn me of is ghoinfg to happen and i do not like how love is influencing my decisions. i hate my mom elling at me right now. i hate not being home. o well.
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[

Friday
April 13th 4:07PM
]
FUCK YOU MS NG FOR GIVING ME THAT MANY PROBLEMS ON A QUIZ AND FUCK YOU SUBSITUTE FOR TALKING TO US SO MUCH EVEN THOUGH WE CLEARLY WERE KILLING OURSELVES OVER THAT QUIZ.


AHH. much better.

so the time is coming closer to when my life is going to take an inevitable turn. presently i am barely getting to know people who i should have befriended long ago, and the people who i should keep the closest seem to be the ones who are the most distant. since the beginning of this year, a tiny anxiety loomed in the back of my head: wondering why the people who were once my confidants were acting differently towards me and and now wondering why my circle of friends has become more like small groups of people being alone together. confrontation has become minimal: a hug here, a "lets chill sometime" there, a drunken apology/confession. what happened to presence? i dont feel it from anyone anymore and i am guilty of sometimes not being present myself. what has been done? something i know, but its not working. its not working and thats frustrating the hell out of me. i am optimistic. i cope with changes and understand that other friendships arise out of common circumstances. i think of all the possible reasons which could explain why the only person whos friendship with me has not changed is enrique. i tell people its my fault. i tell them ill hang out with them and do. nothing is fucking changing for me. i could cope with not having everyone be my best friend, i understand that people confide in those who know them better, which is why i dont let it get to me (although once in a while it still hurts). Even when the person i feel i knew better than everyone else began to talk to me about her personal life less and less, i put myself in her shoes and told myself that she wanted to do things on her own now. i will always be there for her. But what has happened now? I go to school in the mornings and dont know where to sit. I dont think there is a girl out there who knows exactly what i did last weekend. i cry and we hug but the day goes on and we dont talk afterwards and nothing changes. NOTHING IS CHANGING RIGHT NOW!!! having a boyfriend to talk to is great, especially one which readily listens. but he is not a girl, a friend, my girlfriend. though i do look forward to meeting people in college, i do not want to permanently replace my girlfriend by someone from kentucky. i want to go back home and see her, and laugh and dance and hug and cry. i didnt even expect to write about this on lj. i guess its stupid and hypocritial for me to post it for the world to see. however, i cannot tell one person the way i write it here, for here i am not talking to you, or her, or her. and enrique has heard enough about it from me. i just get frustrated. sometimes i think that i dont NEED a girlfriend for survival and i know for sure that my life is not going to go down the drain without one...but something is missing. whatever. hopefully the length of this entry will dissuade anyone from reading it, even though i still am making it public. noone reads ljs anymore anyway.
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[

Sunday
April 8th 1:47AM
]
I remember whenwhen I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place
Even your emotions had an echo
In so much space

And when you're out there
Without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb
And all I remember is thinking, I wanna be like them
Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done

But Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
Probably

leave as fast as you came
no invitation
no where to go from here

I've been wandering around wondering how
I got so, got so...
so fucking boring all of a sudden
so fucking scared, no I'm not scared
you'd mean so much more to me
you'd mean so much more if I remembered

you were young but so am i
and this is all for her and not to judge
i feel like heaven when we touch
i guess for me this is it

i want to say we'll be together
but let's not ask why it's not right
you won't be seventeen forever
and we can get away with this tonight

you were young and i was scared
you're wise beyond your years, but i don't care
and i can feel your heart beat
you know exactly where to take me

driving home from joe battle alone with my ipod and an array of songs placed so coincidentally on shuffle...
CRASH

then shell start calling me a twinkie: yellow on the oustide but white on the inside [

Friday
April 6th 12:22AM
]
what a greeeaat day!Collapse )

and im sure most people think thats gay/corny/lame/getting old/annoying/whatever, but i live for days like these. *sigh*
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[

Thursday
March 29th 6:04PM
]
MY WEEKEND IS GOING TO BE THE SHIT!

~FRIDAY~
senior ditch day!!
partying with the class Of 07 at emperas = AN EFFIN BLAST
then watching 300 with our loves (cutesy)
seeing my boyfriend of which has yet to tire me
~SATURDAY~
get ready for prom (cutesyX2)
eat dinner, then dancedsancedance
after dinner, AFTERPARTY (actually established this time, and with kegs)
SUNDAY
definitely find out if my bf gets into georgetown (cross your fingers)
some crying (due to his acceptance)
or
come crying (due to his rejection, which is doubted)
NHI (thats always nice)


all of this to be topped by the fact that school is almost over, i got into BU and GW (im torn yet that makes me ec-fucking-static), my mom is really considering letting me visit washington with enrique (that would be badass) and o thats right i dont need to do homework because noone is going to school tomorrow. isnt it nice when WE could establish a day off for a change?
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SENIOR YEAR [

Thursday
March 22nd 12:51AM
]
im really glad that high school is almost over. drama is ever-present, classes have become a day care, most of the work i do is busywork (with the exception of human diseases and precal) my mom is sick of me and would kick me out if she could, and i just feel like everyone else isnt really caring about the present since they know that its all going to end anyway. i feel detatched from almost everyone at my school (yet not the class as a whole) and it feels like there is less and less to do in this town. but on the other hand, it also sucks that senior year is almost over...i love the fact that i could not give a shit and still get really good grades (i dont know how thats happening) and in general im not giving a shit about anything because that's excusable. I'm 17 which to me is the most comfortable age: i could assume responsibilies yet use my parents when i need them (as harsh as that sounds) parties are at an all-time high, i dont have the pressure of college work yet. ah yes, the months ranging prolly from now until the end of june are going to be the shit. ive done what i could, now i just am going to sit back and bask in the fun. so there's the paradox of being a senior: getting over the past high school bullshit is relieving and also fun, but all good things much come to an end. at least ill have these memories to take with me :D
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[

Monday
March 12th 2:09AM
]
[ mood | amour amour ]

judging by the time in which im posting this entry, it is clearly the start of my spring break :P

so on this late night entry, all im basically going to say is that i am in an extremely good mood, for i havent had a late-night conversation like the one i had just now in such a long time. it feels real nice, not because of what it is but what it consisted of. relationships blow my mind. THAT is somethng noone will ever be able to explain.

BUENAS NOCHES.

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[

Monday
March 5th 7:17PM
]
changesCollapse )

TUPAC OWNS.
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AIDEN [

Friday
March 2nd 8:57AM
]
The SufferingCollapse )

so these are basically the most stupid lyrics i have ever heard. its a good example of music that seriously has no other purpose than to brainwash its listeners. as a listener to this music, you either like it because you enjoy the sound of the music or you like it for the band and what they stand for.

if you like it for the sound thats cool but youre basically ignoring these lyrics or not paying much attention to them. every time you listen to this song, do you care that it is telling you to burn your friends repeatedly? now many people are obviously not going to burn their friends but it is these bands that basically scare ignorant parents into thinking their children are going to commit suicide. next, you might like a song that says that we should kill every jew and burn books too.

for those that dont really think about what the lyrics mean but like the band, then it is basically ok to listen to this song because the band is good. that's bullshit. when you go to their shows, are you going to cheer as the lead singer walks on stage and tells you to repeat after him and screams outloud "BURN YOUR FRIENDS?" just because the song is good? thats a lot of what i saw yesterday at the taste of choas, as basically all of the people in the audience yelled that they wanted to burn their friend. either they are completely ignorant of what theyre saying, or they do really want to burn their friend. and both reasons are entirely fucked up.

for those people who entirely like this band, not just for their music but for the image they portray, you are twice as fucked up. you either like their image for two reasons. one, youre into being a "rocker-etc" and you like to wear black and believe that following these types of bands will leave you to be a true "rocker-etc" because they hate john mayer-hippies and want you to get fucked up in a crowd and hate the world. youre basically falling into that stereotype, and if youre down for that so be it. gothic-rockers etc hate life. and thats cool right?

or, you might like the band because you truly hate life. and to you people, you should seriously grow some balls. if you really want to burn your friend, thats nice but i think you should burn yourself for thinking that. youre a fucking idiot if you love this band for their lyrics, especially if you feel they pertain to your life. if they do, then you need therapy.

what about the band in itself? why are they like this? well maybe they know that some idiot listeners will totally buy a record with a song that tells you to burn your friend, a reflection that bands no longer care about music and that a lot of youth is fucked up. it explains why the lead singer looks like the lead singer of my chemical romance, and the music sounds a lot like AFI. two bands which reel in the bucks. but hey, maybe they really do want to tell the world to burn their friends. maybe they like having people follow this burning-friend ideology. but i dont really mind. its the listeners who are fucking stupid for making this band grow big.

so altogether, if you tell me youre an aiden fan, i will tell you this. youre either ignorant for not caring about the lyrics or youre stupid for loving the lyrics. if you think the lead singer's hot then youll basically like a skinned turkey if you are told that is what "is cool." if you like how the music sounds, then youll basically love a band started by lucifer as long as it sounds cool. and if you like this band just because youre boyfriend is into them, why the fuck are you dating that guy anyway?


and that is my main commentary on the taste of chaos. i was really annoyed at aiden and had to vent this somewhere.
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TOMORROW [

Sunday
February 4th 1:33AM
]
will be two years since the day that enrique asked me to be his girlfriend. and im still the same giddy ale for him :D
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[

Monday
January 22nd 5:06PM
]
INSPIRATION EXCITES ME!
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[

Sunday
January 21st 1:46PM
]
[ mood | senioritis ]

today is a sunday but i wish it was a friday. i wish i had more time to chill with certain people, and more time to procrastinate.

lj feels pointless now; i never feel the need to write my thoughts down because they are never anything humorous nor any personal revelation about life or anything worth being written for the sake of me writing thoughts down. id rather talk about these things with people and even at that its a pretty select few. I feel like im a lot more closed than i used to be, and mainly keep things to myself. maybe i just talk to old friends less and they talk less to me, and others im just not in the position to chill with them alone anymore. some just piss me off because i realize we never really were great friends to begin with and as we got older people got more stubborn. whatev. all we need to do is squeeze those lemons and make lemonade :)

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[

Wednesday
January 10th 8:50PM
]
im finally done with all my college apps :D
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